why is it so hard?

Some people can simply just speak out their minds, but why can't i? is it coz wat i'm being trained into? being able to think and act accordingly? why do i always act so accordingly?? i simply dun get it!! i wan to do some things but its just that i can't!! i can't do things that are "not rite", i feel so screwed u noe!! Everything i look back at wats happenin, i regret by being a Mr. Good Dude!! The better person u r, the more u will lose out in many ways. Although i do agreed that bein good is hard, and its a rare virtual, but sometimes it's juz hurts you in a way or another. I realli dun noe y am i feelin so bad for being good, but sometimes i juz feel like doing likewise. I dun wan to be who i am now, wat my rank is, wat i surpose to behave, wat i shld do, hw i shld lead, hw i shld decipline, hw shld i do this and that.

I dun noe y!! There is simply no one that is controlling me at all, but its juz that i always tell myself i nid to be this and that, and i am reali sick of it!! I JUZ WAN TO BE SIMPLE!! I WAN A SIMPLE LIFE A VERY SIMPLE ONE!!!