the surging memories haunts the emptiness in the teary eyes

Was watching drama series, 偷心大圣P.S.男, and some clips suddenly made my tears rolling in my eyes. Once someone told me that I dare not face my past, that's the reason why I choose not to tell others about my past, my wound.

Its not that I dare not face, I have told myself endless time that I will never and ever had tears again. Even though I had tears rolling in my eyes I will never and ever allow it to flow out of the frame that I have once allowed it to flow out, so cheaply, so freely. It disgust me, that I was once so childish, so helpless, sitting there in a corner, hoping and wishing that she will look at me, talk to me or simply recognized my existence.

I had been bastard in the past, because of all these, and i realized that its just an endless circle. And at the end of the day, I felt ever worst that I had done all such acts simply because I felt the anger and the need of fusrated it on others.

Just to share a bit of my past, She was the brightest student, and she always top in my class, I know that she will definitely be in the top class, and thus I did all I can to simply just be with her, at least in the same class. Even though she doesn't know about this, but I'm just happy that I am in part of her secondary school like. I had once got the top 40 in the whole level before, starting from the back. And it was due to this miracle girl that had stepped into my life that I got the top 40 of my whole level just in a year. And this was what I had posted long ago for my other friend to see. http://wataname.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-sec-sch-life.html

All I want to do is that I am simply happy that I am part of her secondary school life. I am that naive, but never did I expect so much things to happen, and never did I realized that I am so stupid to think that all these are the fault of me, and only me. I've grown, no in a bad way, cause it had been a long journey and a tough one. That's why I stop doing lots of stuff that I really enjoyed, because I've grown up, I've understand what is pain, and what is my action could have simply did the same thing that had happened to me. I do apologized again to all those people, and I do appreciate everyone that had once crossed in my life because I've learn from all of you, to be just me.