Feeling is such a weird thing

How do we have feeling for things and people? Why do we have different feeling towards different people? Is it because of the appearance that causes us to have such a vast different towards all things in the world?

I used to judge people by their look when I was young, and I realized that we all really need to judge people by their heart, and their thinking. But as I grow older, I start to understand the important of such stuff, as in we people do think differently and we have to accept everyones' idea. Just like in science, a thing or idea is never wrong unless you prove that it is. So we can't judge a person or an idea unless we know that the person or idea is wrong too.

But I'm really curious that why do I have such a different feeling towards different people, I understand that I'm being unfair and is wrong to do so. But I still react in this particular manner, is it because of I do not believe in that idea of mine, that's why I am reacting this way.

as long as majority agreeds its right

There are a lot of times, that our feeling tells us that what we are doing is correct. But its because that the majority thinks otherwise, that we starts to doubt what we believed in.

Things from buying accessories to how we evaluate a person are always so closely related to "majority's" view and assumption. Even if we ourselves believe in the value of what we see, but due peer pressure, society views that we often changes our perspective to "suit" what it is being "categorized" as "correct" value of that particular object.

Recently a friend of mine is troubled that an old man is like wooing her, as she feel that he is simply too old for him, and i can sense that she is thinking that why would a old man be wooing her a young lady?

To me, I explained to her that love had no reasons and age. Few years back, an young girl that is underage told me that she likes me. But I merely tease her that she is just my "mei mei" and we became friends. The age gaps remains, but yet when a younger lady is to like an older man, you will think that its fine. But if we were to apply this on the opposite sex, then the older man will be the shameless party.

Is there a really a "shameless" word in love? Or is it the views of the society that makes you think that the older man is trying to date someone like his daughter?

Life is really something that had so many meanings, and it all depends on what view you are looking at.

Mask that we all have...

Recently I have just realized something in my life, and I'm actually extremely surprised with the answer that I've justed found out. All of us, I believe have a mask, and that mask is not for protection, nor for hiding scars.

For me, I realized that this mask, is nothing but just like a hologram where we are showing things that we want ourselves to be in.

Its like, you are unset, you will show it out. But if you feel that showing "upset" it will affect other people, and a mask of "un-upset" be used. I'm trying to say, this mask is for the sole purpose of what other people wants themselves to be like because they think that it is an ideal human that they would want to be.

Thus, this mask that we are saying is not actually a mask, its more like a transition phase of what people would want themselves to be like. Just like a butterfly, they are all wearing a thick layer of heavy and ugly shell, before they can be evolved into a beautiful butterfly.

Its so happy to see kids laughing.

Its really such an enjoyment to see a kid laughing, it feels so free and so happy for them you know. Maybe its because I feel that their laughter is so pure, its like all their facial expression is translated directed from their heart. You don't have the stress of doubting their emotion.

Is it true that kids are so simple, so easy to fulfill their desire? Or is it the adults that are being so complicated, greedy and sophisticate. Even thought the adults hate to be so, but their simply can't get back to those days that they have started so simple, so freely and so happily. Growing up and fulfilling empty needs, that the society wants us to be and not want we really want to be is like us being robots. Wanting to do something we dream of, but in the end most of us ended up just following the control of want the society wants us to do.

Holding onto...

For the past 23 years, I think that holding onto your ideas and dreams firmly in your own hands is the most important thing that I should do in my life. And just a few seconds ago, something changed my perspective.

Holding onto something, no matter is it a person, a thought, a dream or an idea is nothing but a finish line for me. Just like any other person, without a dream or goal, I do not know what I should do, or be heading to. Thus I always find challenges for myself, to beat it, to achieve it so that I could improve me as a person. To complete my poly life with no regret, to come into university no matter what, to get a degreed. This are my hopes as I wish to be a useful person.

To sing, to win competition, to be in a performing group, to go out and perform to public, to be recognized by people. I guess I have done it, but I have somehow given it up due to some reasons.

To be an officer, to be the highest of what I can get, to hold onto that sword that I have always respected, to be able to control tens and hundreds of people, to be respected not by your rank but by your personality and charisma, is my goal for the first 20 years of my life. Like a young boy, I wished that people would identify me, and recognized me not by my achievement, but by what I really am. And I am glad that I have done it as well.

But still I am not happy with what I am right now. I feel lonely in the night, I can't seem to find a true me. My heart tells me that my dream is to be a singer, to stand on the stage, people smiling and nodding at your talent and voice. But reality tells me that I can be more useful in society then just singing.

What should I do? I is just one word by itself, signifying individuality. But what this world that I am living in talks about society, globalization, where all of us have to work as one. Not for personal gain nor satisfaction, but for the sake of everyone that is living on this world.

I am not someone great, I just what to do what I dream of to sing. But how successful can I be as compare as being a engineer? Can a word "I" be more successful then what the word "society" wants you to be? Holding onto your dreams?

2012

Recently I've seen a documentary on 2012. On the surface, it seems like 2012 dec 12 is nothing but the lineament of the sun, earth and center of our galaxy, once every 25 800year.

But there are some people claims that it marks the end of the world. For example, the Maryann calendar "mexica sun stone or Aztec " is the origin of the end of the world at 2012 dec 12. As the calendar ends on that particular date.

Mayan is one of the earliest civilization in the world(around 2000BC - 250AD ), it is situated in Mexico. Record says that it is a strong civilization, but suddenly disappear. There was no reason/record that why they disappear. Their knowledge in astronomy was so advance that they have calculated that the lineament of the sun, earth and center of galaxy 3000years ago! While our technology only allow us to know of this date just a few years ago.

In the Aztec calendar, has an inter lock of lunar, solar and planetary calendar. "ku na ku" is what they call it as end of world. That the world will end and restore for 5 times. It is believe that 2012 will be the 5th time that this world will end and restore itself. But do take note, like what we see in an calendar, it always end on dec 31 every year. So similarly the Aztec says that it ends on 2012 dec 12, always means that the calendar restarts again. And no necessary means the end as in doomsday.

Just for you to know, do leave some notes on what you think about it. But please, this are still future which no one will knows about it. Please don't draw a firm line based on what you see, and not yet happen :)

trying to cheer up a friend...

Today my friend throw me a question "If there is the right one for me, then why have I been meeting up with the wrong ones?"

I didn't reply her at all, as I was watching my World Cup 2010 matches. But when I came back to my computer, I saw her went offline, so I posted this on her fb, "do u believe our existence on earth is a compass of events carefully being calculated and planed or simply a string of random events that just happen for no other reason? Why among all the planets only ours have the perfect condition for us to life in? Why in our life there are so many people comes and goes? Does it all happen for a reason? or just happen for no reason at all? "

Well life is really something miracle, because it is something that we can never and ever understand. Can you tell me what all of us are born to do? We can't! Someone once told me that god had already written everyones' fate, meaning there is an expected path for all of us to take in the eyes of god. But it depends on the human themselves to choose if they would want to follow "the god's" fate or to follow their own will.

This sort of things, we can't prove it exist or not, we never will. Just like how our solar system is being created, how the universe is being created. Are all of them being created for some purpose? Who created it for that particular purpose? Or does it just happen, because of it simply just happen to do so?

Just like me, I am someone that thinks alot, but I do not allow anyone to know I am. I just want people to know that I am that cliche dude, because this weird thinking of mine, people do not understand, and do not even care. Thats why I'm always being mistaken by others, for who I am not.

So, if you are reading this, I do thank you for spending your precious moments here. But can you just tell me, in your view, does all of us exist due to some meaning & reason? or does it just happen because it just happen?

Should or should we not try?

Should we try to get what we want in life? Somethings I feel that we all should try to our best ability, try to a point where we will never and ever regret it in our life. Sounds positive? Sounds motivated?

I love looking at the stars, I wish that I could reach out and touch the stars, I wish to grab the stars that I look every night into my own hands. But should I try to reach out for it every night? Should I try to grab it every time I look at it?

All of you knows that it is impossible for me to do it, but should I not try it cause its impossible?

People says I am very arrogant, i think its confident. What I believe in, I would not doubt it. What I want will fight for it. Just like reaching out for the stars, I have tried and fail.

The worst thing about failure, is not that you have failed. But the way people do not appreciate your acts, and even think that your act is simply an act of plain selfishness. Even though your act is means good to them.

So should we keep trying to do the impossible? Should we try so hard to do what others thinks that you are not? Should we spent so much time, on things that you know you will never get it?

quote of the day...

There is never a right or wrong. Even if there is, it can be re-proof as long as people can proof that it is otherwise.

the surging memories haunts the emptiness in the teary eyes

Was watching drama series, 偷心大圣P.S.男, and some clips suddenly made my tears rolling in my eyes. Once someone told me that I dare not face my past, that's the reason why I choose not to tell others about my past, my wound.

Its not that I dare not face, I have told myself endless time that I will never and ever had tears again. Even though I had tears rolling in my eyes I will never and ever allow it to flow out of the frame that I have once allowed it to flow out, so cheaply, so freely. It disgust me, that I was once so childish, so helpless, sitting there in a corner, hoping and wishing that she will look at me, talk to me or simply recognized my existence.

I had been bastard in the past, because of all these, and i realized that its just an endless circle. And at the end of the day, I felt ever worst that I had done all such acts simply because I felt the anger and the need of fusrated it on others.

Just to share a bit of my past, She was the brightest student, and she always top in my class, I know that she will definitely be in the top class, and thus I did all I can to simply just be with her, at least in the same class. Even though she doesn't know about this, but I'm just happy that I am in part of her secondary school like. I had once got the top 40 in the whole level before, starting from the back. And it was due to this miracle girl that had stepped into my life that I got the top 40 of my whole level just in a year. And this was what I had posted long ago for my other friend to see. http://wataname.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-sec-sch-life.html

All I want to do is that I am simply happy that I am part of her secondary school life. I am that naive, but never did I expect so much things to happen, and never did I realized that I am so stupid to think that all these are the fault of me, and only me. I've grown, no in a bad way, cause it had been a long journey and a tough one. That's why I stop doing lots of stuff that I really enjoyed, because I've grown up, I've understand what is pain, and what is my action could have simply did the same thing that had happened to me. I do apologized again to all those people, and I do appreciate everyone that had once crossed in my life because I've learn from all of you, to be just me.

happy and wishes you all the best :)!!!

Just chat with past tutor, and she said that is going to be a mummy SOON!! haha really feel so happy for her now. I still could recall last year she kept telling me that she is getting old, and no one wants her. Guess what, she is now married and going to have a baby soon. Really feels that life is really so mystical, so blur, yet exciting.

Its like if I haven't msg her, I would not know that she is pregnant. Suddenly, I felt that our life is all a piece of black tainted paper. Where we have to use all our strength and curiousity to wipe the black tainted paper into a clear white paper for us to see whats the real meaning of life we wants and we are in.

Still feel so weird, last time when my tutor comes to my place, we would like go shopping after my lessons. I still remember once a security in my condo asked, "is she your girlfriend". Haha, and now she is married and a new born baby is on the way. Life is really a dazzle star, never fail to capture your attention amoung the dark blue sky...

i love my home :)

Ladies and gentlemen, today I'm going to introduce my lovely home!! Its called Regent ville! I really love this place, because what provided here can't be found anywhere! And that is a best neighbour!! Never have I thought that, I could like find a neighbour that we had been friends for 8 years, although we rarely see each other, but we will really help out in one another. Really feels so great about such things, hope that things is going the right way :)

tears...

I realized that i am not a strong will person at all. There are so many times in life that i wish to say something out, but i simply cant. I hate this feeling, its like I'm suffocated to death. Its like a person being submerged in the water, trying to tell you his dieing wish, even though he knows that you cant hear him, he still try so hard to shout and scream his lungs out, hoping there is this gleams of light would lighten up the very thoughts in your doubt of darkness.

I dare not tell people how childish and how emotional a person i am. I always enjoy singing, not because that i have a nice voice, but i have such a surpressed emotion that i would want to voice out, to scream out to let everyone know but yet in another way not being so direct in say i am weak and i am so broken up inside out.

Have you ever seen the stars in the sky, its always been shining so brightly on us. But have you ever wonder that the stars that been shining so brightly for us is actually dieing every moment because they are shortening their lifes by shining out the very lights that some of us may even not bother to take a look? I always qustion myself, why do i try so hard, to be doubt by others, to be put down by others. My feelings, my efforts are all nothing to the person that i shower upon, no one cares about us, people only cares about things they want to. Even the stars in our very sky, willing to die just for us to take a look at, but people are all just interested in the money, carrer and dreams that they want.

No one will ever treasure you, unless you are of meaning or value, just like the tears in our eyes, we will never and ever realize that we do have tears untill the day that we really need them to flow out of our eyes, just because we need them to feel better, emotionally...

mind block, mind stuck!

Been asked a qns, ever since its a disgusing period for me. Have no idea, y I felt this way, is it because I've had no idea abt the ans, or am i trying to hide the ans.

Nv been so unclear before, maybe is the past that suddenly pops out to haunted me. Still trying to tell myself, the past is the past. and the present is the present. Life nv fails to make a story out of u.

a new rise

Dear all!! there is a new boy band!! called the WHITE FOREST!!! DO SUPPORT US at FMH.edu.sg!!

long long time ago...

Someone once told me that to love a person, you need to love yourself first. And now I am in love with myself. Loving the way I speak, I interact and look. It really gives me the confidants that boost the guys ego you know.

But right now there is another person that tells me that I love myself too much. Love its just like a glass of half filled water, where someone can say it is "half filled" or some can say its "half empty" it only depends on where are you coming from.

In life I still believe that there is nothing such as a right or wrong answer or decision or anything. Even in the science world 1 + 1 = 2 can be wrong when someone can prove that it is wrong. So there is no definite answer to anything, only is that answer of yours really yours? As in do you think its right? Do you feel its right? Do you want it that way that contributes to the right or wrong.

Just another emo night from
Nan

culture night was nt bad after all :)

I believe the culture night was one of those nights that after you graduate, you will still remember about it. It was really fun!! had dance then sing a song for the audience. What was fun to me is not the performing, but the time back stage where everyone is helping out one and other. Helping to do your hair, helping to do make up, that feeling is so nice and warm.

You know its those feelings that you feel you are wanted. And once you are out on the stage everyone is looking at you as well, finally those feelings are coming back to me :)

Actually I'm those people that cant really expressed themselves well. I don't really tell people how I feel and I cant tell people how I feel. I will always bottle it up all inside, but today I realized that I am still needed and still have a purpose in this mother earth.