random

well, its another insomnia nite. So i decide to blog. N this fellow here is me! Its a very random pic that i took and wanted to put as my DP. but guess my nose is too big currently. So decided not to. LOL. Tts all. Juz being random

Nan's study table DISCLOSED

I missed my dear table at home. My coffee is always free, my air-con is always ready, my ultra-man will always encourage me. lol! sounds gay uh~ but wif a mind tt u simply hate study, tt 2pid ultra-man will suddenly transformed into an angle tt encourages u to study. espcially when exams are near. Last but no least, my kinky red spec!! bought it for so long, but nv wear it out be4. lol. no guts to do tt, guess next party i will be goin there n be Mr. Kinky~

Well, last week was a torture as i need to hand in projects. This week too is another project hell week. N guess wat, by the time i realized tt i've finish my project, i hv no idea wats my lecture note is telling me!

hard disk crash. memories lost.

this new yr reali means alot of me. I vowed aft my army i will be a changed man, i vowed to be a careing person. I dun wish to see any more tears being shed so helplessly. And somehow recently my hard disk crashed, with all my memories being sorted inside. Is it telling me its reali time to let go? and be free?

To be frank, i feel like a cold blooded animal ever since army. I cant feel wats called emotion anymore. In my dictionary there is nothing called fear, sad, emo, ect...
there is only words like eat, slp, study, play, ect...

Its kind of weird, but things do happen. Something i juz feel that we feelings arise becuz we think too much. Juz like if u like a person tell her. wld tt solve ur problem of emo?

If cant, is it becoz u think too much possibility that somehow somewhere she will like u back?.Or maybe one day magical things juz happen and she will like u back?

Time is now my enermy, time at the same time its my dearest friend. I cant waste any of my dearest friend anymore, n i hv to treasure them. If i were to tell time that i hate u, coz u waste my life for the past 22yrs. Does it mean that i hv to fight back for wat i've lost? n be tt someone i wished to be? I simply juz wan to be free, n be myself. I love freedom, n i hope freedom loves me.

Geting older.

Erm, this yr is kind of a surprise for me. Coz i'm getting 1 yr older rite on CYN day!!

So there will be thousand and thousands of ppl counting down my bday this yr. Remember to see the TV!! n count down my bday tgt!! lol~

Batam 2008

Its 7 days into the year 2009, and i am juz free to upload my Batam 2008 trip pics. LOL!

Actually i kind of like 2008. Its a yr tt i reali made a lot of new friends. New weird friends like naggy evelyn tt keep saying i'm naggy. Joyce tt is always like a big sister even thou she is younger than me. Chris that i reali learn a lot, learn how to communicate better. To be frank i'm someone tt reali dun noe hw to speak my mind, and it always end up me leaving impression that i am actually planning to do other things. If u dun get it? Its ok. LOL!


New friends like tony, jeremy, jasmint, jamie, leon, calvina, NELSON!!- "auto MJ kia" and reali a lot a lot more. Reali brings me back to my younger days. Where money is nt a problem, and no one is back stabling you. LOVE the time.


Ok! now back to batam pic. Pls enjoy~!

Enjoying the donut?

ITs like.... NICE!!

A&W breakfast! Can u hv 1 nw?

Nice view uh? including me

Sweet living hut!!








Batam 08 crew member

I LOVE WAKE BOARDING!!! >.<

Naruto thinking what to do....

YA!!!!!!!! sumon frog JISU!! WOO!!

1 FROG appear!!

It was a fun time in batam. Hope can go back again n do wake board. hope yr 2009 will be a gd yr for all of us.

A day in NTU

Well it seems tt i am hving holiday n its reali nth to do.

So i decided to post one of the videos i taken during lessons. LOL!!

Pls dun get the wrong idea tt i am so hardworkin tts y i take down the video. It becoz the words tt they r teaching in r nt for locals. So i nid to video it dwn n understand it. DAMN even i noe chinese its useless. I shld hv take up tamil as well!

i look so GAY!!

haha... r u wondering wat i had done to my hair?? lol.. actually i went n dye it last week.

But onli manage to post it now. Was so damn gay la, sitting there like a tai tai.

Makes me feel like a girl!

The worst thing, the color of my dye is NOT WAT I WANT!!

Now i look like a golden lion, n feel like a girl, n been a fool sitting on a chair for HRS!!

I HATE GAYS PERIOD

this world is crazy!

In the past, everything hv a purpose on earth. For survival.



Now everthing on earths is for money! YES MONEY! They can simply do anything for MONEY! Look at sars, where chicken is killing people. Yet people r so native to believe that it is generic problem that new disese like sars that is causing this plauge. FYI, it all started because farmer wants to cut cost on feeding the chicken, tts when they uses dead animals left overs and mixed it with seeds to feed the chicken. Tts y the chicken is sick.



In order to produce eggs, sick chicken are being kept tgt, and thus the illness is spread. Once the chicken is dead, they sell their DEAD body for money.



Same for mad cow, sick cow that "cant walk" are being sold to slaughter house to be processed into the mad cow meat that we consume.



Now the milk, do u noe wat happen? In china, milk are being categorized into grades. The one with more protine are in the higher grade. So what do the smart alex, go n add in "caramai" which is a substance that u used to produce plastic spoons into it. So that a higher proteint milk can be produced, and a higher cost can be sold.



So aft all these, do u noe who is tt damn asshole that is casusing all these problem? MONEY MONEY MONEY!! That greedy face, tt ugle and disgusting and filty shit MONEY is the cause!!



But wat can i do? Simply tell ppl tt i hate money and then gv it away? N wat will be the result of tt? me being a begger and no one simply gv a damn abt me who cares so much for them?



Now i noe the problem n i cant solve it? Am i 2pid? Can u solve it? Ppl do things to earn more this is the simple logic. I cant blame them, but if there is no money do u think ppl will work so hard then? What world am i living in? What believe do i hold? its all meaningless now, if i hv my pride, my honour, my duty, i will be a begger rite at this moment that i am saying. N this blog wun be seen.



But rite nw i am sitting comfortably in my room, enjoying musice, aircon n my hot cup of coffee all due to money. So am i a filty shit asshole? Do u noe where our money is used for exchanged in our comfortable socialty? Ppl in afraica now is farming for the sack of eating 1 grain of rice, n wat did i do in the exchange of hving such a gd life? Stoning while i am working? act blur and avoiding all the arrows in my office?



Can u c a world like this aft a hundred yr? I can onli c chaos and madness being roamed arnd the whole world.

Found the pic tt i wan

Anyone knows any place where i can print an picture onto the shirt?

count dwn to D-day

Studied days - 14days

module studied - 2

knowledge level - 0

exam day - 22hrs later

I AM GOIN CRAZY!!!

WHY UNI THINGS CANT UNDERSTAND ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

55 marks..

got a 55 for my econs. was so shock when i got back the result... :( feeling so helpless at this moment when exam is abt 5 more days???

Nv did i tot that i could score so low, still dreaming of gettin an 80 when the result is a 55. something is wrong wif my understandin. DEADMAN WALKING...

1 more A into my collection

This week got back a quiz result which i got a B for maths

And 1 more A+ for my programming.

Uni is reali a shit place for geeks. Hate the smell of geeky geek. I simply dun belong to where i am. But nvm, human always survive on changes anrd them. so CHANGE!!

Exam in 1 weeks time, stress like hell. My study place is like a battlefield now. My beds and floors are all filled with papers. I am too shame of posting tt scene here, the scene of how a real man's room shld look like. haha.. its in our man instinct to be messy, i cant help me but be a man u noe.

its always a joy thinkin back..

lol.. was laughing all the way thru when i saw this clip again.

Its reali fun!! hw i wish i could go back time and enjoy those moments... But reality is always hash. Time for studies and a long holiday break is waiting for me... eerrmmmm ERH!!

feeling sinful!

This week, i reali gv up in studyin. Too mani n too little tt i understand. Did not touch any of my notes or homework. haha... feeling so sinful. N worst of all exams r comin up!! Juz had supper wif friends n played a game of DOTA. Its reali so fun to reali enjoy fun without thinkin of all the work tt nids to be done. LOL!! I nv feel so free, shld be more hack care abt studies! no pain no stress!! n TONS TONS of FUN!!

VIDEO!!!

Received this video frm my friend, i dare not view till 1 mth later.. LOL!!

cock ups!!

Had a test 2day. but din manage to do it well. feeling reali veri dwn, moody n useless.

Sometimes i juz hate the idea tt i actually lose to an mainland ppl, or an indian. Yes i admin tt i am arrogant. But tts my pride! I dun wan to lose to indians, i dun wan to lose to mainland. I wan to be the best. and i guess i can onli be the worst...

1st test in Uni, 1st A in Uni

Lol. Finally my 1st A for my 1st test. Actually its an A- la. Not reali an A. Update soonz.... Uni is reali tough~

Looking back...

Erm... today was the day my brother going to Reading and study for his masters in finance risk management. Me too wanted to study finance, but i was forced to study engin...

Anyway tt part of my faith had been decided so lets not tok abt it. Well, i was at airport today. And suddenly i realized my thinking, behavior and everthing is so much different when i was 2 yrs ago! Maybe its reali army tt had shaped me into a better person! haha.. But to friends tt had reali noe me well, i am still me afterall.

Sounds confussin? haha.. Let it be then. I am always confussed abt things...

Happy happy n still happy~~

Was peeping thru evelyn's blog and i spot this gd news!! In this issue of Mag "U" there is the write ups on the "be a star"!!

And here is the write up on XAJE and "mo tian lun"!! The feeling of knowing this is reali gre8!! haha.. finally some results can be seen after so long of hardwork. JIA YOU!! Hope that one day all our dreams can turn into reality. In the mean while, time for proj. and studies.

Till one day where all effort our efforts can be crystalized into something that we are all proud of!!!

Toilte in HK

Do you noe tt in HK there will be this device located in the cubical where you can use to clean the seats for your toilte bowl!!

Basically u nid to place a tissue under this device where it will realese a cleaning gel for you to wipe on the seats of the toilte bowl. How thoughtful rite!!

Those were the days...

My birthday bash on 27th Jan 06

Si Chun's birthday bash on 20th May 06

Bryan's birthday bash on 05th Jun 06

But where is my beloved zi jie... Now when i looked back at things. It feels that i am reali neglecting a lot of matters. My old friends, my families, all my love ones. Suddenly i feel so empty, so shallow. So many people is going overseas, so many people is going their own ways. Yes its for their best, but i just miss those days where we could juz sit arnd tokin cock.

Those were the days....

And now we are apart... (I am holdin the camara anyway. Too bad i am not INSIDE!!!)

Time For relaxation n world of sins...

Well, had a relaxation day ytd and 2day!! lol!! finally i hv sorted out tt i cant be the best of who i am anymore i guess! lol!

Btw in the mornning i had my tennis sessions, aft which i came back to my room and slp. Then me and my friend when to had steamboat dinner.

Then few days ago, we went n had this nice looking ice cream! n i am reali tellin u frankly tt it is a nice looking ice cream n tts all. Actually we had tasted some oth favours, n it actually taste fantasty!! Its juz tt i pick the wrong combination tt day n every taste of it was a torture~ lol...

Back to topic, aft the steamboat dinner, had a nice MJ session n won abt 12 dollars. LOL n thinkin abt money i still remember my chalet 16 dollars.. keke... still hv not taken it back.

Erm, and 2day had skip some lectures to play my tennis again. Then had a nice japanise dinner, and is typing my blog now as i am eating. Had my wonderful cup of coffee wif me rite now.

Finally i feel so much like a human tt reali loves himself. Althou no more singing, no more performing, no more ppl lookin at me. But i am happi tt i can now drink my cup of coffee wif a peaceful mind. Maybe thinkin back abt my sec. sch life as well... lol.. tts is where i started to be hooked by coffee btw. hehe... sweet n sour i guess. i mean the coffee? who noes.

I GIVE UP!!!

I've reached a pt of my life where i reali feel its the end of all possible gd things happening to be now.

Last week there was a ice cream party in my room, and some bad thing tt is reali beyond words happened in my room.

This week, i had a throat infection on monday and i hv to sing on tue. Guess wat, i feel so insulted when i first open my mouth. Nv did i feel so insulted.

After which on wed, my friend asked me for supper and ended up at yishun juz for a gal. And i wasted so much time actually doing low bo stuff.

Thur i went and wash up at 4am in the morning aft finish my study, and guess wat some mother fucker son come into my room and steal my bloody h.p!!!

Fri i went n get my replacement of SIM card at PS, n the person who sign up is actually my mum. N i cant do a fuck thing abt it, and walk off like a 2pid fool.

Now its 9.20pm. Fri, i still had tonns of work where i reali nid to learn. Test on next week, project need to submit in 3 weeks time, lab reports to be submit in 2 weeks time.

Guess i am someone to like to complain? lol. i dun noe to laugh or cry.

A tough day everyday~

2day had joined some hall activities. Join kind of too much, i had snooker at first, then badmiton and guess wats next? CHEER LEADING!!

Haha... kind of fun! been too bz with sch work, its like working arnd the clock!! Tml can finally spare sometime with Jude to discuss on my singing or "be a star". Well the semi is on 2nd SPE for me? And i hv no idea wats going to happen next?

Kind of feeling weird now, as in things had been happening so fast now. And i really wish to go into genting. Well, its always the case that when i really wish something can happen, it will go the oth way. Guess it will be diff this time rnd.

A weird time a weird world.

Salvador Dalí: Disintegration of Persistence

The orginal picture of the clock melting i personall think is the Disintegration of Persistence, by Salvador Dalí which is an spanish.

I'm nt trying to act veri knowledgible, but when i look at things nw. All the stuff tt i do seems like the 2nd picture of melting clock. It seems tt i am living in a life tt i hv lots of time, as there is no ending in a clock. It juz goes rnd n rnd. But this freedom of time is melting away, i can no longer see myself planning any thing else using the "clock".

All the times i used to hv r like fading away. Fading into a veri blury world, a world tt every things seems to melt. Including urself, melting into this world of endless unknown world.

U can see the world n urself melting into this unknown world, but u juz cant help it but see it melt away...

Little bad things can help u gain more stuff...

Cigarette is bad!! veri bad!! it causes ur teeth to be.... So pls dun start, coz sometimes u juz cant help to kiss it one more time. n one more n one more n one more n one....

...

When i c xin guan 3 i reali hv some tears in my eyes. Althou i noe it feels a bit gay, but i do feel something tt reali coz me to feel so touched, and yet feel so bad when i c the performing. This is 1 of them. I hv no idea y, but sometimes i juz dun noe wat to do. Like its 3.40am now, i hv no idea wat i wan to do rite now.

I always tell ppl tt i dun noe wat voice i had, i reali hv no idea. I dun noe who i am when i sing, i dun wat i wan to be when i am singing, i hv no idea wat i am doing when i am singing. I feel so confussed, n i reali hv no time left for me to keep changing and keep learning more.

Sometimes there r 2 things tt r equally good, or there is even more tt u reali hv no idea wat to choose. Wat suits u, wat belongs to u.

I wan to be myself, i always wan to sing a song tt belongs to me. I always wan to sing songs tt has a version of my very own. But rite now, i am lost. I hv no idea hw i shld sound like anymore, i hv no idea wats the meaning of my very own version of song. I hv no idea of everything.

My sch = hell + liar

Nv in my life had i studied so much and i still feel so 2pid!!

I am seroius!! In the past i will studied and noe all the things, but now i study all the notes n i still noe nuts!!!

The style is like they teach u 70% on how to work a thing out, but the remaining 30% they DUN TEACH!!! i reali wan to &^%#^*&(() them up!! I PAID SO MUCH N THIS IS THE STANDARD I GET??

Reali damn fusrated!! I nid to think so much to solve something!! Go google, go wikipedia. Then wats the used of me buying so MANY NOTES!! WHEN THE NOTES DUN EVEN HELP!!!!

No onli the place i live in cheats my money, the uni tt i goes in does the samething!! EVERYWHERE I GO PPL ALSO WAN TO CHEAT MONEY!!! CHEATERS!!! LIARS!!!

who am i?

Hv u all ever has this feeling tt u r lost, and u r so mixed up tt u simply hv no idea who u r? or wat u wan to do?

Do u ever qns urself on wat do u reali wan? and how much can u reali make it happen?

R u some1 tt will face reality or live in ur fantasy? Can fantasy reali become reality?

Althou i always do things wif a mentality that things happen for a reason, and u hv to hold on to every reason in ur life, ur stlye, ur very own life of ur very individual. Coz everyone is special in their very own ways.

So what do u think? By thinkin so, r u reali living a life of ur very own? A life of no one pinning hope on u, a life tt no one is looking up on u. A life tt is untainted by anyone, a life tt u r actually for once living for ur ownself. It does sound selfish, but doesn't a individual life belongs to oneself?

If u were to look arnd u, how mani ppl r actually doing things of their dreams, ideas, hopes? Ppl r merely doing things becoz they r being forced by socialty to do so.

Imagine tt we are living in africa do u think we will be going to any shopping malls to buy cloths? Do u think we will be discussing shld we buy nike or addidas? Do u think we will be talking abt soccer, olymics?

Tts is a life of an very individual in my eyes, a life tt is untatinted by socialty, by hopes of millions, tt is a "pure" life.

But once again i am glad tt i hv a PC in my air-con room. Rather then trees and flies arnd me. lol. Life is juz so irony, n we can onli say its hopes of millions tt brings us to who we r now. Hopes of our fore-fathers, hopes of millions of ppl tt hv lost their lifes to protect the small island tt we hv. For all these hopes, and the socialty we shall once again dip our heads into this endless hole...

the light in halls...

I am starting to c some lights by stayin in halls...

Lol... Was sort of fun today, had a soccer match wif the hall ppl and got 2nd place. Haha, old man still can play OK!!

But juz nid to tune in back to my usual life. Still hv some greeness in me, tryin my best to juz forget and for go such a color. YUCKS!! now i noe y i hate ppl believing in green, esp on every day of a week i dun mean i hate tt day but, infact i love tt day! Coz it always represent FUN when u r working. ya i juz hate things tt is associated wif green, including them. PEACE!!

My suggestion, y dun change ur color? Even singapore believe in our color! Red packets any1?

Mixed feelings

I am hving mixed feelings nw. U noe sumtimes when ppl of tt u think is good hv high hopes on u, esply when their r willing to gv in their times and effort juz for u. U will feel so hw too blessed.

But at the same time, u feel weird. As in u will hv stress plus excitments, which is kind of funni sort of feelings. Nw i feel like i am in a grp competition, onli tt i nid to show or perform alone, but its sort of a team effort. Althou things hv nt started yet, but i juz feel tt i am too blessed wif such a gd chance. And i reali dun think tt i shld deserve it, coz nv in life had i had such a gd deal happen.

Mixed up + stress + lost + confuss is nt goin to get me anywhere. I juz nid time to sort out issues.

Rite nw, my 5 yrs plan had to make some changes, n this is nt wat i had in mind. All the best Chun An.

journey to the center of the earth

Thumbs up and tons of laughter!!

Reali had a good laught, infact its my 1st laughter this week. Its such a nice thing to reali relax and had a good laught. keke~~ like this feeling.. Go and catch this movie and relax ur mind, let ur imagination run wild wif this cute and fairy tale like comedy!!

Suddenly i think of "Y SO SERIOUS?"

Does faith show us our paths?

Sometimes i reali wonder does faith reali show us our paths?

Welcome to Beijiing:
Guess i no nid to futhur explain it i guess, is faith telling me to stop my course? Is faith telling me that this is not meant for me? I hv no ans but to follow the singapore system faith, r u showing me some other signs?

Ulcer at this moment:
I woke up this mornning feeling some pain in my throat, and when i see the mirrow, i saw some white spot on my throat. ITS AN ULCER!! Guess i am not faithed to go into the next rnd of my "be a star". The contest is on the coming tue, and rite now i hv this ulcer GROWING on my throat. LOL worst of all, mr smart alex me pick a high key song. FAITH is reali aginst me rite now i guess. Or shld i follow wat faith is telling me? and juz walk over my day??

SMS received:
Receive 1 sms to change location for my contest. Shld i change the idea of going for it too? Faith is indeed telling me something i guess. Its all up to me or faith now. The battle had began...

Notes Notes Notes...

Bought my 1st set of notes for today, n it actually can cost up to $23!! Its reali WTF, as it what the fresh set of notes it is... lol!! Then when back home to get other stuff like fans and printers. Luckly gt Spiderman my friendly neighbourhood hero to help out on my transport, althou i hv to pay, but was reali thankful. By the end of the days, i guess i had to showcase my $23 worth of notes. So as to make the notes more useful.

Mr Hall 10.

Ladies, gentleman and children of all ages...

Let me introduce u to hall 10's desk. tata!!

Tts my desk, my new laptop, my albums, my speakers and my PSP!! lol... and tts abt all as of now. There will be more books, papers and red mark test papers to come... lol... hope to c some flying colors on some papers as well. and tts abt all of today. cya next time!!

Shld be there..

Erm... Its like 11.33a.m. and i shld be somewhere in boon lay. But guess wat? i am now lazing arnd in my hougang home. Haha... Cute uh this pic. Makes me think back my sec sch days... >.<

Y dont u all make a guess is this dog a male or female?? gals.. pls dun stare there!!

Beijing Olymics...

Welcome to Beijing Olymics 2008!! This is the msg when i went for the 1st lesson!! Cool uh... Look at them!! Its so... so... "CUTE"

I simply LOVE my course and cant WAIT for wats going to happen next!! Guess wat, i think i am hearing timberlake singing "i'm loving it" yes u r nt see things, pls dun see "i'm loving it" to "cry me a river" coz i do not mean it tt way.

The mascots, they r juz so.... KIIIIIIIII U TE.

P.S. I mean cute, if u pronouce it rite not KILL :)

inSomia... Again..

Pls... i reali wish to slp... Sch starts 2day, and its 6am and i am still unable to slp... Sometimes its reali frasrating. Sometimes u wish to slp, but u cant. And some times u wish tt u can be more awake but u r slpy. Things juz not goin rite for me. Poor poor me.

Unsure...

Feeling kind of uncertain abt my life. I hv no idea wat will happen and hw i will deal wif my life in the next 4 yrs.

I always like to say that i always planned my life 5 yrs ahead, but even thou i am still within my plan. But i still feel uncertain abt things. Like uni, i had lots n lots of admin problems, n deal to all these admin issues i hv no confident in myself. I feel like i am like an unwanted ball that is being thrown arnd. U noe tt feeling that ppl asked u to wait and they sort out the issue? i noe its the leasp in the admin. But the sight of it is juz so frasrating for me.

No matter wat happen, i still had to sticked wif my nxt 5 yrs plan. I simply hate this socialty. This socialty that demands paper achievements, but i cant help but to accept it. I am juz a useless junk, that cant do anything but to accept this faith.

i wan car!!

I wan a car to drive now!! and i will rent 1 pretty soon... coz i gt a hall in NTU!!

lol... rite now i am checkin wherther hall 14 is a gd place to stay in. If it is... hehe... CAR AND HALL I AM CAMING!!!

TP today!!

Having my TP in abt 2 hrs time, i feel so excited yet so scare. Scare that i fail again!!

Was kind of sad now, wanted to find someone to tok to. So that i can calm myself down, or at least to stop me from hving the negertive feeling that i will fail. But the problem is there is no one!! all seems so bz, onli left me and myself so free and so scare of the uncertain future. Reali hate this feeling, this feeling of uncertaincy. Its been so long since i feel so uncertain, its been yrs since i hv no idea wat to do. Its like u r standing infront of the a crowd and u dun even noe where to put ur hand.

I feel so shameful of me not knowin wat to do. Be a man, and take the LEAD!! pls.

A new laptop!

Hoho!! gt a new acer laptop!! haha.. nowadays i reali dun care abt brand anymore, as long as its good = MINE!! well this laptop come wif HD 14.1" screen, 4G Ram and 2.56Ghz core 2 dual. I feel i spent a bit too much u noe.

As in i have a Quat-core CPU at home with an 24" screen + cutting edge graphics card and processor alreadi. Still i am not statified but to get such an high end laptop again. Haiz... IF onli i were to get my laptop in the 1st place instead of the cutting edge technology CPU i wld feel so much better. Now i am hving 5k less coz of wat i spent. ITS ALL MY MONEY!! HEART PAIN>>>

day 4 without greeny

Mon Nite, warm

Saw xuan's comment that i shld not look back at those days with greeny and carry on my life as a new chapter. U noe sometimes when u life wif something for so long tt u juz cant help thinking back?

LOL!!! sry, i nid to be sentimental ya. It has been the 4th day, and only then did i receive my offical life(MY PINKY!) to start things fresh. Looking back at those days, its like been living in a well. A well that had kept me from the outside world, a world tt i feel it belongs to me but yet being taken away from me forcefully. Althou i will miss the well once a while, but i think i will spent most of the time cursing and swearing at the biggest fami"LY" here in my country. coz i simply dislike their way of taking care things in this famiLY here.

the 3rd day without green

Sunday, midntie

Its 4am now, and i am still awake. No one online, no good music on the radio, no more things for me to worry, no more stress.

Feeling sort of happy, but a bit useless. U noe, there is times that u wan to do something, but there is simply nth for u to do? that sort of useless feeling? is not those type that u feel helpless that u cant make something out of ur life, but those feeling that u noe this period of abt a few weeks u reali hv nth to do but to do nth? sounds chim?

guess life is so unpredictable, as in u cant plan out ur life at times. Things juz happen, and u gt nth left in u but to submit to it. To accept tt this is wat others called faith. Guess there is reali some times that i hv to admin that i am juz a normal human being. I hv my weakness and i hv my feelings. I am made of flesh n blood, i am a complicated creature that is able to make something out of nth. Able make nth out of something that is so useful as well. I can make a building out in the desert, i can also make a beauty rain forest a huge grave yard.

I heard this saying today, by some prof. in the US that had juz recently passed away. He told his student in his lecture named "the last lecture" and there is infact a book called "the last lecture" by him. He did mention wat i state above, that he too is juz a human, there is things that he had completed and achieve and things that he can only "dream" that he can do it.

He once state in his lecture that life is like playing cards. U cant change the card that u are being deal with, but u can change the way u play with it. I find this phase very meaningful.

There is another thing that he mention that i was so enlighten with. He says: " in life there is many obsticals, and all these obsticals r like bricks, they r there to stop ppl. And in life,ppl wld want to achieve lots and even tons of achievements. But if u reali wan to get something, u wld do watever it takes to accomplish it, no matter how hard it is. Then these bricks that we mention so far are obsticals to stop those ppl tt r fighting with u for the achievements u wan, and not there to stop u.

Guess by the end of the day, i am still a child, a kid. I always want to do something great by thinking and planning so many stuff. But listenin to his "obstical" i feel that, i am still not so determine enuff in my life. Because i still treat obsticals as bricks that wld stop me, and not others. Maybe if one day i feel that bricks r meant to stop others, then will i feel that i hv reached the ideal starting state of wat i wan as a person. The prof is reali a smart and humble man, i respect this ideas. The ideas of a great man, and yet so humble that he did not even mention of "competing with others, but to compet with one's idea and believe"

Day 1 without being green.

Today is the 1st day without being green. I saw this show called "tang xin feng bao" it shows a boy n gal blog abt the number of days they had live without each oth.

So i thou of coming up such romantic and sentimal blog on my own. So as to comemorate the relationship i had with GREEN. It was 1 yr and 11 mths that we were togather. But due to my studies and bonds, i had no choice but to leave GREEN.

Saw Green at shopping mall, food court and my arnd my house area. Feel kind of sad, sad that i saw Green on MRT towards Pasir ris, sad that the emotion on Green face was so depressed, so helpless. Hope that i will not see Green, hope that Green will be smiling happi. Hope that my blessing to Green will come thru.

5am..

nth to do, nth to surf, with back ach and a mood that i am ORD SOON!!

My back...

My back hurts again today. It was so bad that i cant reali walk, so i ordered a pizza as my breakfast, lunch. Luckily my brother came back and bought my dinner.

Hv no idea why i had this back problem for years le, guess its going to stick wif me. Erm, planing to go n hv a good massage this weekend. Relax my body and mind.

It had been a long time since i had my last masarge, cant wait for it. The relieve of body aches the feeling of "kimochi" hoo, its a no wonder there is so much spa shop arnd in singapore. haha.. Wishin i am being massage rite now... arrrrrrr.......

The rose..

Its 3.25pm and tml is my ORD date!! Feeling so happi rite now.

But i juz visited someones blog, and i heard the long lost song that i had missed for ages, Its "the rose" I hv no idea y, but that song juz brings my feeling back to emo state. And no idea y i also think of evelyn, sitting there by the com, surfing till mornin, waking up late, din go to sch, ect...

Someone may say love is a river, is a razor, is a hunger, is a flower. No matter what it is, is not physical that can hurt an iron teeth?

River moves on, Razor cuts thru obsticals, hunger is nv empty and flower always blossom the next morning. Hope love is reali like all of them, blossom every single morning :)

tired tired...

If i can gv a rating for the wideness of my eyes 2day, i will giv 1 out of 5 stars. I am strugging to open my eyes, even now.

Do u wonder y i still blog if i cant even open my eyes? coz my hair is still wet!! k i reali nid to rest. peace~

Wisdom tooth...

lol.. went for my dental FFI today, and the dentist told me that i had a wisdom tooth!! lol... plus some captive teeth.

Kind of sad thou, but i was happy that i saw such a pretty dentist! lol... actually ever since when i was 4 years old, i am afraid of dental appointments. In the past i would always cry while waiting for my dental appointment!!

Because dental = PAIN, HELL LOT OF PAIN!! but its only when i was in poly then did i realized its becoz of the dentist. Ever since then, i will always go for private dentist, which they will always do it with CARE and DELICATE SKILLS.

But at the end of the day, i still hate dential appointment.

insomia..

Once and again, i am hit wif an insomia now. Its like 5.00am and i am still awake. Listening to the radio, thinking abt the mob that is coming up, and thinkin ORD!!

Every second, my mind is telling me HANG IN THERE!! and yes i will my dear mind, and i will enjoy the veri last piece of how the ORD feeling is!!

Closing my eyes... Arr..

Today is another sat. Like all the oth sat, i always love to juz sit arnd and do nth. But the sat today was special. I feel so calm, relaxed and HAPPY~ i am actually smiling now as i am writing this blog.

I feel so light rite not, i feel that if i were to close my eyes now, i can fly to the moon. There is no hate, no frustration in me. Its not like me, and i love the me that is no so me. lol!!

Looking back at things that had happened for my past 2 years, its reali enrichin. It affect my whole life as a person. I took on responsibility that nv hv i imagine i can hold on to. I hv changed so mani ppl's life under my 1 yr of work. I hv seen so many faces of all emotions coming to me. I hv seen thru so many lies that ppl make up juz to cover up things. And i hv been lyin inorder to cover up some of the mistakes tt me and my department does.

It was reali very agonizing at first, its not the amount of work that is frustrating, but the doubts that whether wat u r doing is rite or wrong. Hv u ever been given a role that u hv to make a decision that will affect someone? and there is no one that u could asked advised frm? its like u r nw the judge, but the onli thing is u dun hv a solid ans to wats rite and wats wrong.

Life reali had been a misery to me. There were times at nite i am thinking wat if i am tt person, or will tt person bear any grudge towards me? or will it make into the news?

And guess wat, there was a case that this person's was in the news. I cant reveal much but it was in the article in the straitstime. And i was shock that i receive a call that i may need to be summon to the court. Althou i feel wat i do is rite, but the fear is still in me. The fear tt hw will the person take it, the fear tt am i reali doing the best out of the situation the fear that will ppl noe the meaning and the reason behind all these actions.

Life had been so "magical" so far. On weekends i always act as if i am like any1 else that wants to enjoy and be happi with who i am. But when it comes to weekdays i am back to the position tt i hv to be the "judge" the "boss" the "only one".

To be frank, i reali loves my weekend. I love the feeling of being so free and being a nobody. Since poly days i love to be a nobody, and i do wish to be a normal and simple guy like everyone. I nv wish to be the special one, and one with the responsibility, the one tt all ppl look up to.

But when things happen, and someone hv to take that shi job, i guess u cant do nth but to accept the faith. Althou i reali wish to juz be me, still u hv to think of the bigger picture, the reason the meaning of y all things happen. There is always a reason behind all the things tt r happening rite now.

Nt onli my job, nt onli my feelings, is abt everything in this whole universe. A dog barks for a reason, a worm digs into the sand for a reason, ur mum scolds u for a reason, the one u love leaves u for a reason. Nv blame on oths, nv blame on faith, tts y i hv been doing all these shit jobs, becoz things nids to happen and it has to for that reason. Take a step behind and understand it, then will u onli understand it and relive urself frm it...

- By holy CHUNAN lol!!

my sec sch life..

well, ytd things juz happen, and the things that happen sparks my sec sch days memories.

Lol... I wanted to say lots on this, but i still think its better left untold and unknown. There is so far only 2 person that knows the story on from my perspective. Both r my poly friends, or shld i say the closer poly friends i had. Ty li shan and deseree! But i strongly feel that they shld hv forgotten wat i told them actually! lol!! but at least i feel so much better when i told them the story.

I went and dig up my old old report book and actually scan this 2 exam report i had!! lol!! this 2 reports reali mean a lot to me. And i reali hv changed even till now i am shock of how i am able to change within a yr, or shld i say 2 yrs. LOL!! memories is reali sweet and funni.

Juz to side track a bit.

Pls see the comment that my form teacher gave me!! Notice the change? lol!!

If only the person know why i am so determine and focussed... Maybe sometimes trying hard is a bad thing afterall. :(

black or white.

I hv been thinkin thru this at least a million times. And now shall i asked all of u a question. If a black man wants to live in as a white man community, what do you reckon?

1. Ask the black man to make himself look white?
2. Ask the black man to be who he is and try to blend into the white?

I seriously cant make a ans out of it!!
1st. One of my friend told me that there are millions of ways to voice ur opinion out, and it all depends on how sincer u wld wan to construct ur words in. But by doin so r u actually changin on how the sentance shld look like at 1st? so do u reckon him to look like white inorder to blend into white life?

Wat i wanted was actually to let the black be a black, and let ppl accept him as a black but live as a white. The pride and of being who he is, the stand that he shld hv for the reason that he is himself. No one shld hv the rite to decide wherthere r u white or black to live ur life as. U r born as who u r, but u hv the decison on wat u wan to be. I accept who i am, and i will make things happen based on who i am. And not who i wan to be. I love myself, i love being chun'an.

But once and again i understand the need to do things in a graceful manner. To do things the rite way. Thanks for all the comments. I reali take it into heart, and i am trying to balance out in me. Once and again thanks for the words and comments.

I always love cooments, lol!! and now i am side tracking, but... I reali love comments, it makes me a better person, as i will be aware how i can affect oth ppl's feeling and emotion. And i do apologies for being so bad at times or shld i say all the times! lol... But i am a human u noe, i hv my fear, and i will do things to cover up my fear.

Afterall i am a man that loves to look like i am the alpha male. Thanks for all the helps in make a my uni life great! i reali mean it.

Uni Uni Uni...

Hi Mr Uni,

I am 23 this year male and single! I wish to complete my course here and i wish to hv a fantastic experiance from it.

I noe that its tough and i noe that its hard to excel here, but i definaly wun gv up easily as well.

Its been 2 yrs since i was in green and in service. I hate those life that made me do things that r so 2pid but at the same time hv no power or control to change it. So now its my time here to change and make a life out of wat i wan.

P.S: Hope you dun mind how i feel, but this is wat i wan in my LIFE.

3rd day on leave..

Its thursday 2day, my 3rd day on leave.

I've been thinking a lot lately, like how will i be once sch start?
Will I still be at MS?
Am i capable of achieving all my goals?
Can i be a successful man in my planned 8yrs later?
Will my investment able to get back from what i had intended?

All these had been running thru my thous every now and then. When i go to town and shop or walk arnd, i always see so much office wear personnel so busy with their life. And i seriously feel that if i were to asked them do you hv a reason being so busy? I will most likely get the ans for money for a better future.

But do you seriously feel and think that juz for money and a better future you are able to commit so much of your time and energy?

As of now, tts now me. I always feel that the only thing can make me so worked up, so engrossed is only one thing in my life. MY AIM, MY GOAL. Not for money not for future. But for my hunger, my hunger to be that ideal person, my hunger to get wat i feel i can be, the hunger that i will not lose, the hunger that i can tell all those ppl that have mocked at me that they shld be the one that they shld be mocked at. The hunger is still there, and i can feel it coming closer and closer to be. Pls dun eat me up my dear hunger.

Frankenstein

Lol... Its so funni ytd, someone actually is teaching me whats integrity and dignity!! Do you know how hard i need to go thru in my life to learn whats pride, integrity and dignity? and now some Frankenstein mutant is lecturing me on whats call PRIDE, INTEGRITY, DIGNITY?

I took 1 whole year to understand what those 3 words are, and some freak can juz lie this way thru the meaning of the words, bent it and use it on me like this? If only i am abit more stupid, a bit more violent the whole thing wld end up in a veri diff. way.


If next time any freak were to dare tok to me in that way again, i will make sure he gets what he deserve. Cuz the tot of this tt resides in my mind disgussed me, the fact that i am typing it out is such a sick scene that i am so shameful that i even wrote it down and not taken any action towards it.

I am reali sick now...

less then 30 days!!

harloooo~~ All my homies!! finally the date to my freedom is less then 30 freakin more days!! Can you feel the heat!! Can you feel the love!!

Yes!! Finally i can go back to my Mr Hack Care liao lo~~ no more responsibility, no more people looking forward to you, no one people waiting for ur call, no more people can ever n ever ASK ME FOR SUGGESTION!!

For any1 tt see this blog, and work wif me in the GREEN IND. pls i am no longer ur boss!! I AM NO LONGER GREEN!! I NO LONGER NEED TO CHARGE ANY MORE FUCKING OLD MAN TT IS THE AGE OF MY UNCLE!!! I NO NID TO MAKE ANYMORE DECISION THAT CAN SEE UR WIFE, FATHER, MOTHER, SON, DAUGHTER OR ANY OF YOUR FRIEND CRY!!!

Finally!! I no nid to charge you fucking old fuckers anymore!! no more wife crying to me anymore!! NO MORE EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

slping late..

Hv u ever wonder y u hv simply dun feel like slping? Like its 1.33am rite now, and i dun feel like slping at all?

Erm... Actually lets see:
1. I am sitting infront of my "cutting edge technology" CPU, but hv nth to do
2. I am not chatting wif any1
3. I am not reali thinking of stuff

As i was thinking and thinking, i finally get the reason y!! Sometimes you juz dun feel like doing something, like work or something with green. So this causes u, to hv some phycological effect that u actually will be doing that something much faster if you slp earlier, and it always ended up that u will slp late! In anoth words, things in green is a bad omen.

3 mths like 3 yrs..

well, its 3 mths till the day i can see my pinky... reali wish i could see it now!! even when i'm dreaming, i dream abt pinky n me 2gather in the sea... A blue blue sea, with a blue blue sky!!

Sometimes i juz cant help it but wondering, y is it all so blue in my dream with my pinky? I guess its the only places tt is so peaceful without any green stuff disturbing us. world peace!

....

well well, i was actually thinking thru this weekend what am I reali fit to be in my own future. And i cant get a ans!

1st i dun wan to study, but i hv to due to the naSion that i in.
2nd i dun wan to take up an I.T. course, but my dip can onli get me into I.T

Actually i am sort of happy to be able to get enroll into NTU, as compare to oths who seriously wants to get it but cant. But, on the oth end i juz wan to get a better piece of me frm the system that i am being provided with. Its sort of complicating as i dun understand the system and i simply hate it.

Why is all the uni being made to suit the JC ppl? Yes i am crying over some small matter, and i noe it. But its juz feel unfair in some ways. But no hard feeling to JC guys, coz i noe they hv gave in lots n lots of effort for their 'A's. Erm... I juz wan to do things the way i wan to. But i cant...

What a weekend!!

Haha... my weekend was a long and tiring 1... I had to run to east point and sing!! lol... to be freak, it reali scare the living shit out of me!! Nv did i realised that i am so small, so useless.

Reali!! I was singing there, and i cant do a single thing to help meself out of problem except to sing properly. I feel veri helpless, so weak. I reali hv nth to do but to sing out on the stage. I cant control the loudness, i cant control the crowd i cant do a single shit thing i wan!!

So aft my 1st bad bad bad experiance, i decided to make some changes, and guess what, i cock up again!! lol... It was reali damn shitty, but fun!!

It was the 1st time i feel so BRIGHT!! i had everyones eyes in a shopping mall!! how cool can tt be?? lol... it was reali reali fun!!

But now i hv to get back to my green life, and be a bastard!! I simply hate being green. I HATE GREEN!!

Sunday...

Well today is sunday... and i feel so relaxed at my home with my air-con on now... Nv did i imagine that i wld post such a 2pid blog, but ya i am posting it now.

Actually the reason y i am posting is caused i reali like the feeling of slacking in my room!! Its been 2 mths? since i reali had such a nice rest time!! LOL!! and all thanks to no one but myself. I've been promising ppl to mit up, that i actually had no time for myself to just slp. For the past 2 mths i had been onli slping 6 hrs a day, and i am so tired that i always slp on the bus or MRT. Think is reali time for me to sit down n think thru wat i reali wan to do, and not keep messing things up.

As wat i always says... I onli wan to be a normal person, living a normal life. Life is nv better then a normal one :)

Easily 4gotten stars...

Well look at who is in the pic? Do u still remember her? she is one of my favorit american idol 2 idol!! but guess where is she now? she is 1st 4gotten, 2nd not being mention at all!! Y do i bring this up 2day? I guess feel that stars r so easily 4gotten. How much hardship have they gone thru to get famous, and how easy is it to be 4gotten... Life is reali like a drama, you can be the king for the moment, and the next time you know, you r a begger... Lifes so sad, so crude...

In the past, i was so free, no responsible, no trouble... but rite now i feel so heavy, so tired and so exhausted!! but still i have to drag my feet and finish the long run no matter wat happen... I am reali confuessed abt who i reali am rite now, i cant get things rite, and i cant get myself back to shape. I am sick, i am tired and i juz wan to be a normal person, y cant they juz let me be a simple person, where i could sit down and had a gd laught all the time. Y must i be the one that needs to be sitted there and be so strict to get things inorder. I dun like order, i dun like rules, i dun like the current me... As wat i have always said, i juz wan to be a simple person, y cant ppl juz get it!! leave me alone n let me be simple!! is it tt hard to do that minior thing for me? I wan to hv a gd rest, a gd slp and a gd peaceful time...

smart or hardworking

2day one of my friend asked me "Do you believe in smart or hardworking", and i replied him w/o any hassitation, "Of coz is smart" then i started to add in some factor of the advantages of being hardworking. And rite now thinking thru wat i said, i feel that i am sort of contridicting. Why do i replied "smart" but i am thinking abt "hardwork"? Its weird rite! But anyway by the end of the day both of us believe that there can be no 1 that is hardworking for life juz like how my parents always tell me "boy, u can nv be smart for life" i guess life is like gambling, u nv noe wats rite or wrong, so long i believe in my faith, i will then be the "smart" and the "hardworking" that ppl will see me as. There is nv a defination in life, onli perceptions.

interesting interesting...

Well, 2day had been doing video for the organization that i hated most!! but guess my video talents and interest doesn't reali made me feel so bad aft all! in fact, i sort of enjoy it!! hehe!

Its reali been so long that i feel that i am back to studies, i reali had this sort of feeling 2day. Brain storming on things that r reali is happenin rather then telling some warrents / SGs that are pratically telling you ok and nt do anything!! it feels so much better!! At least i din noe that my software are able to work better then something that gets paid for abt few Ks a mth, while i onli paid a few K once!!

Lifes still goes on, and i hope that i wun be living a life that such shitty and filty ppl lived in! Luckly i noe who i am, where i am and wat i am!! I juz wan to be a simple man, so pls let me be SIMPLE!!! I AM NOT SPECIAL FOR YOUR INFO

bad bad bad...

I feel so bad nt goin to the xin guan 3 thingy!! haiz... but rite now say may seem a bit ptless lah, but ya lor i juz feel bad nt to support the ppl :(

Was sad abt the result as well. Actually i was shock when i noe the result. ya... but lets nt tok abt sad stuff lah!! lol!! its a bad day, but life still goes on. Sun sets everyday, and rises the next mornin wor!! Try to c if there is any rainbow bah!! maybe u r likely to c 1 and can admire it and smile so HAPPILY!! ORH I C MY PINK IC!!!

feel kind of heavy...

Well... today is v day, and i spent it on camp and home only... LOL!! Actually i find its ok, as personally i dun reali like v day as well thou... ya lor! but juz had this tots and feelin tt wat hv i actually been doing during my past NS life.

I feel so empty rite now. i feel like i am juz like a normal person. i hv lost tt i am special feelin in me. well, i guess when u reali look and deal with so mani sort of ppl, u will actually be sick of wats special. Anyway i always like to be normal, but normal in a way tt i noe i am hv my own believe and thinkin. but rite nw, i onli feel that i dun hv my own mind set anymore. i am sick n tired of bein the one who made so mani decision. i am sick of responsibility. i am sick of wakin up every mornnin noein tt i nid to make sumthing happen out of nth. i am reali sick of bein a leader. i juz wan to be a follower, i naggy person, sum1 tt can so openly express himself and feel so free and relax. those were the days back then... :)

life life...

Well, life is kind of hard for me now. Coz i am reali nt motivated a single bit? i wan to slp, i dun wan to work. get it?

happi Bday to me....

Well, ytd was my Bday, and i spend it with my friends in the aftnoon. And went for some audition at nite, aft tt i join my another friend for my lovely mid nite atmosphere wif.

Its kind of sad for my Bday this yr, as i was expectin presents from everyone. But it seems that no1 reali borther to get me any. Althou i always say time is more impt then presents the last few yrs, but i reali wish that i hv presents this yr. I hv no idea y, but its juz that compare to last yr, i feel so empty. No atmosphere that i am hving my bday. Its like there is almost no presents for me to see that its for me.

Maybe i'm hvin too much high hopes i think. Things are better left it as it is. Tt is something i always believe in. Nv go and do something tt is bigger then you, nv think you r tt special 1. Haha, i feel so emo as well as so shallow to yearn for presents. But anyway, i had a gd time this rnd. A lot of new friends, new experiance as well. The Bday surprise celebration at ms, the outin wif my friends, the wonderful calls, smses by all sort of my dears lol!! Feel so good to hv gals arnd!! BUT I WAN PRESENT!! NXT YR MUST GET ME ONE!!! FOR THOSE WHO C THIS POST

why is it so hard?

Some people can simply just speak out their minds, but why can't i? is it coz wat i'm being trained into? being able to think and act accordingly? why do i always act so accordingly?? i simply dun get it!! i wan to do some things but its just that i can't!! i can't do things that are "not rite", i feel so screwed u noe!! Everything i look back at wats happenin, i regret by being a Mr. Good Dude!! The better person u r, the more u will lose out in many ways. Although i do agreed that bein good is hard, and its a rare virtual, but sometimes it's juz hurts you in a way or another. I realli dun noe y am i feelin so bad for being good, but sometimes i juz feel like doing likewise. I dun wan to be who i am now, wat my rank is, wat i surpose to behave, wat i shld do, hw i shld lead, hw i shld decipline, hw shld i do this and that.

I dun noe y!! There is simply no one that is controlling me at all, but its juz that i always tell myself i nid to be this and that, and i am reali sick of it!! I JUZ WAN TO BE SIMPLE!! I WAN A SIMPLE LIFE A VERY SIMPLE ONE!!!

Sista Sista...

2day i asked sista why she dun jio me out de, then it ended up that i "put her airplane", and her tone was like angry.

sista dun be angry can? I mean if i go out i will onli be spendin a few hrs outside onli rite? since i nid to come hm to slp for my wk?

aniwae, 2day i juz find out that this song is veri nice!! 听,我爱你 by 李圣杰 If any1 that is free pls go youtube and listen to this song!!

sista xiao yi xia mah!!

A milk curd a day, keeps my happiness a wake!!

So funni 2day!! I was watching the huang xin lu at 9pm+ when my neighbour smsed me u wan bean curd? then i tot that maybe she trying to be nice, so i told her 1 will make me veri happi. And guessed wat!! its 11.50 and i had a mango milk curd in my room!! lol... Was kind of happi that i actually had a milk curd delivered to my house for FREE!! keke!!

Reali make my day end with a sweet milk curd smile :)

Which course to CHOOSE!!!

Well... Recently i've try and look up for Uni courses again!! And it seems that the more i look up, the more uncertian i am for wat i wld wan to study!! COOL RITE!!!

Normally the more u reseach on, the clearer ur idea will be. But for me its different!! The more i reseach on, the blurer i get!! HOOOOOOOO!! And rite now i am reali confussed, totally CONFUSSED!!

Cant wait to get my pinky!!

its been abt 1yr and 3mths+ since i left pinky... Back then, on the day we were seperated, we had this sort of agreedment that we will be back togather 2 yrs later..

Now to me its like 9 more mths before we can finally be back togather, but its still so far away. Thinking abt it, its reali a greate complishment that i had been thru 1yr and 3mths le... Even thou 9 mths are shorter then the 1yr 3mths that i hv been thru, i simply feel that his 9 mths seems like 9 yrs!! its like so far away!!

And everyday i am thinkin abt pinky!! I reali wish that i could hold it onto my hand and feel its existence!! I wan to hv that feeling that I AM HOLDING ON TO U!!! u noe, nt those that imagination sort of feelings? Pinky Pinky, i am reali missin u rite now!!

packed packed packed!!

Well, its been the 2nd week of 2008, and seriosuly i am half dead!! My schedule is so freaking packed!!

Aft work go drive, if nt go settle my bills, if nt go settle my computer issues? And the worst is there is more and more stupid things being thrown to me by some angry fuckers!! Who gets more pay, and do lesser then me. My life is reali damn pissed off rite at the moment.

My driving sux, as i am too tired and i still get reprimanted coz i am tired?

My life is also kind of confussing thou. I used to know what i wan and dun reali mind ppl's view and opinion. But it seems that there are certain ppl's view that will reali affect me rite now.i am reali confussed abt that sort of feeling. Is like i have been myself for years and suddenly contradicing ideas had suddenly been erupt arnd me. And this bombardment of conflicts is reali too much to handle. I feel like i am changing, and i dun feel gd abt it.

Not that i am stating changing is bad, but in terms of actions and normal behavior i will have this devil and angel thoughts or argument within me. I feel so indecisive rite now, and hv no idea wat i am reali doin at the moment!!

Time will help i guess. But i reali wish that i can get back that self control over myself sooner or later...

nth much to do...

Well... I've woke up and ever since then i cant seem to be able to go back slpin... Maybe i'm juz hving tots of wats happening? Maybe not? lol!! But things kind of change arnd me thou!

Last time or ever since aft sec., i was having this particular tot that no matter wat happen, i am myself! and i will not get affected by others.

Y i hv such a tot? well, maybe coz of those unpleasent events from careing ppl too much bah... So y care and get urself in so mani shit?

Haha, guess a leopard nv changes its spot yo!! no matter wat, i will c hw it goes bah... Hopefully things wun happen like how it does in the past...

So... BE SAFE!!!

yo!! finally blogging again

why do i blog again? i hv no idea y, but i wanted to start all over again. LOL... well its been about 5 mths or even 8 mths since i last blog. Reasons why i stop? coz i am too bz with my "green life"!!

Anyway, things had been goin pretty smooth, and i had tonnes of time to blog slowly and of cuz enjoying my life!! While think i will start by doing up some nice skins, or templates for what oth ppl would like to call it. Erm... Well juz sit back and enjoy :)

heart pain

sometime when i look back at things, it reali aches my heart. Things that i though was perfect that was flawless has changed... Changed to be not what i used to think it was, not as good that i though it was... It reali aches my heart to actually see it happen and in fact accept the changes. Why does things change? i do asked myself sometime, sometime i feel that changes is good and some times i dont. I have no idea why i always contridicks myself but i reali cant help it... I am happy that things are changing to my favour in my circle of life, but at the same time i feel sad that things used to circle around me doesn't change for their favour!! why is it so?
I seriously wished that some of the changes doesn't happen i just wish that it will stay in its perfect statues forever and ever... But i have no choice but to accept that things have change and i have to accpet the change regardless i like it or not... I HATE THIS SHIT!!

Sick sick mi...

well... i have been att. C for 2 days, n guess wat my fever is not getting any better n i still hv to book in... this is life u noe.. no choice sux thumb... lol... i dun reali hate army, but is some rules and regulations tt i dislike... army make u fit n i nid to thx them for it... its kind of sad for ppl to step in to keep u fit u noe... coz ur body belongs to u!! n u nid some1 else to help u keep it fit wat logic is tt!! haha...

On top of all i still get paid!! nt bad le lah... is all abt the mind tt makes ppl strong or weak... is also all abt the mind tt u take ur experiance a enjoying or torturing 1... u hv to believe in something so at least it means something... else u will be following blinding like a blur cock!! which i nv wan to be 1... so guess wat... something u hv to keep it to urself... n i hv to!! :) life is simple gd enuff till now...

army life

it seems like i was enlisted ytd, but i actually had been enlisted for 1mth ++. Life seems to be interesting i say, i feel gd abt it and feel that i am much fitter now.. the onli negertive things abt there is no matter how smart or how 2pid u r, u must take order frm the ppl tt hv higher rank then u...

Its so meaningless, but wat can u do? lol... life is wat it is... so let it be... if only i am the 1 wif higher rank, if only i am the one who can control things... if only... tts all i can say....

it actually made mi realised something, which i am glad that i can understand it. In the past, i used to believe tt the smarter ppl are the one controlling ppl. But now is no the matter of how smart u r, but how much authority u had. And this is wat is happening to our daily life, do u think tt all bosses are smart? as long as u own a company u can control ur men, as long as u hv the authority the rites u can control ppl!! so u don't hv to be smart, u juz nid to gain the access or the way to be some1 to hv authority in order to be some1 at a manager lvl...

Life is so sad, juz when i tot tt the smarter u r, the better u can live ur life such things happen... n i nid to re-evaluate my own mind set... Smarter as in knowledgable can onli aid u in being a success person but not a need in order to be one... SAD

my TP is tml...

how shld i express myself now? my TP is tml i still i'm afraid tt i wld mount tt fuckin kerb which means i am can officially go home rite away!! wtf is this man, immediate failure? ccb i pay 200 bucks for 2min of mountin the kerb? 2 min = 200 bucks gd deal huh? ccb!! as if i wan to mount tt cb kerb... kind of sad aft noein tt some of my friends actually hv immediate failure, waste money like no ppl's biz like tt... imagine i hv a job tt i can earn 200 bucks in 2 mins frm some cum gong driver nt bad wor!! actual process may take abt 2hr++ like 1 hr = 80 but now i can earn 200 in 2 min swee swee hor!! some more can go lim kopi or teh or even go gayland yam char!! wat a gd life it wld be!! btw 200 is actually paid seperatly, 100 for fuckin instructor n 100 for a tester tt i nid to por be4 the test can actually go on... power rite tt fuckin tester juz sit next to mi for abt 1hr + can get 100 liao, song song sial... some more if c mi nt happi juz add few more ticks till i fail onli, and if i argu wif him? he can happi bo chaup and walk away wif my 100 bucks wif it... haiz... life is so fuck up, as long as u the one tt holds higher authority, ur life is like heaven. If u happens to be the one tt holds no authority at all? then u nid to c if u hv the look to impress, if still u dun hv it? u can onli lay down somewhere n wait to be slaughtered...

heart ach

i hv no idea y am i hvin this heart ach even thou i hv no gal tt i like rite now!! i dun noe y is it happenin?? maybe is friendster bah... was searchin thru friendster n soon my heart achs... pls dun think in the dirty manner!! i was actually lookin at all my friends profile 1 by 1 n realized how much or how long we last met. was so sad!!

be4 tt i was actually chattin wif tony, n he was sayin abt his stories tt it get linked to des! lol... then i hv this urge to look at all my friends!! to noe hows their life is by lookin thru the pics!! dun noe whethere is it pervert to u? but i reali feel kind of gd by updatin myself "auto" on their daily pics!! although i dun reali tok to them, or i dun noe how to interact wif them bah, but i still hv a heart tt i care for them all u noe?

its wrong to do tt, its wrong to do this

FUCK U!! its nv wrong to do anything!! the onli thing tt is wrong when oth ppl comment tt u r wrong is the PERSON!! who hv the rite to comment oths? who hv the rite to take ur rites away? bein a human u nid to stand tall on ur ideas, ur dreams. If u dun stand for it then there is nth more i can say...

In the past i hv always stand up for everything tt i think is rite, no matter wat comment i gt i still do it. cos i noe tt in this world the onli 1 tt can change my bloodly hell fate is myself!! due to tt i am bein categorized as "arrogant"

Then few yrs passed n i hv changed to be a passive person, yet again ppl comment tt i am bein too passive tts y u cant get wat u "shld" hv!! wat a joke!!

So now no matter rite or nt, the onli 1 tt passes down tt fuckin judgment in my acts is me and ONLI ME!! advise r suppose to be taken nt to be acted on get it? u make ur fate, u make ur ACTION!!

my beloved instructor!! :)

2day in the noon i was hvin a nap aft my drivin, the fuckin instructor always like to adjust the car's air con to blow it on my fuckin face!! and i had to readjust the air con onli when i feel the cold!! as u noe, when u enter the car in the 1st place, u r warm and u wun realised where the air con is blowin. N by the time i realized i am hvin a cold, its too late liao!! cos i am FUCKIN SICK LE!!

So aft the lesson, i went home straight. No i went n "ta bao" my food then went home. Aft my meal i went to bed rite away!! i was so damn sick lo!! i cant even open my eyes without those tears!! u noe when u r sick ur eyes will be so "tear-ly"

Waste my whole fuckin friday on a drivin lesson!! knn!! made mi cancel my plans... haiz... i am so weak now!!! juz the air con blowin on my nose i can get sick!! worst is my face is FUCKIN DRY too!! knn!! my face = my life!! i wasted how much $$ on my face u noe? 500++ and is still goin up!! n u wan to blow till my face got dry?? __ u!!!

sian sian sian!!

goin NS soon... n there is no gd job for a man like mi, tt can onli work for few weeks!! so sad... i can onli stay at home n slack slack slack and still SLACK!!! I AM SO BORE!!!

so times, life is so funni...

i was lookin at my previous blogs, n guess wat, i alreadi think i was so ugly in the past!! i mean its onli 2 mths n now i think i look much better!! lol maybe is "i think" tts y. LOL!! well, recently i think i hv been fallin in love, fallin in love wif myself! keke... everytime i look into the mirror i wld tok to myself " WOW u hv changed into a better lookin person" but guess wat, i reali wish i can change into a better person as in the whole person. No matter is it in the mind set, behavior or within my inner soul, as long i can be a better person i will try n do it.

Reason? becuase i noe tt this world is a world where mother nature takes its role. Meanin its the survival of the fittest!! so i hv to prepare myself for the future, who noes wat will come to me? so i hv to prepare to be a better person so tt i can handle myself thru all sort of matters. no matter is it relationship, work or even studies.

Maybe is due to my failure in the past tt i reali hv this mind set of "I MUST NOT FAIL THE NEXT TIME" so inorder to meet tt kind of standard tt i wan i must learn and I MUST

how times flies...

its reali funni to c how time flies, and also interestin to c the past of myself in the photos. It is so fasinatin to actually noe how much u hv growed or matured in terms of behavior, dressin, and mind set. How funni is it to c the ugly u, and how u wld react by sayin to urself is tt reali me? omg i look so horrible!!! lol... its reali tt damn interestin, maybe all of us shld be more active in takin photos every now and then, and hv thoes memories for us to remember or remesi abt