Holding onto...

For the past 23 years, I think that holding onto your ideas and dreams firmly in your own hands is the most important thing that I should do in my life. And just a few seconds ago, something changed my perspective.

Holding onto something, no matter is it a person, a thought, a dream or an idea is nothing but a finish line for me. Just like any other person, without a dream or goal, I do not know what I should do, or be heading to. Thus I always find challenges for myself, to beat it, to achieve it so that I could improve me as a person. To complete my poly life with no regret, to come into university no matter what, to get a degreed. This are my hopes as I wish to be a useful person.

To sing, to win competition, to be in a performing group, to go out and perform to public, to be recognized by people. I guess I have done it, but I have somehow given it up due to some reasons.

To be an officer, to be the highest of what I can get, to hold onto that sword that I have always respected, to be able to control tens and hundreds of people, to be respected not by your rank but by your personality and charisma, is my goal for the first 20 years of my life. Like a young boy, I wished that people would identify me, and recognized me not by my achievement, but by what I really am. And I am glad that I have done it as well.

But still I am not happy with what I am right now. I feel lonely in the night, I can't seem to find a true me. My heart tells me that my dream is to be a singer, to stand on the stage, people smiling and nodding at your talent and voice. But reality tells me that I can be more useful in society then just singing.

What should I do? I is just one word by itself, signifying individuality. But what this world that I am living in talks about society, globalization, where all of us have to work as one. Not for personal gain nor satisfaction, but for the sake of everyone that is living on this world.

I am not someone great, I just what to do what I dream of to sing. But how successful can I be as compare as being a engineer? Can a word "I" be more successful then what the word "society" wants you to be? Holding onto your dreams?