trying to cheer up a friend...

Today my friend throw me a question "If there is the right one for me, then why have I been meeting up with the wrong ones?"

I didn't reply her at all, as I was watching my World Cup 2010 matches. But when I came back to my computer, I saw her went offline, so I posted this on her fb, "do u believe our existence on earth is a compass of events carefully being calculated and planed or simply a string of random events that just happen for no other reason? Why among all the planets only ours have the perfect condition for us to life in? Why in our life there are so many people comes and goes? Does it all happen for a reason? or just happen for no reason at all? "

Well life is really something miracle, because it is something that we can never and ever understand. Can you tell me what all of us are born to do? We can't! Someone once told me that god had already written everyones' fate, meaning there is an expected path for all of us to take in the eyes of god. But it depends on the human themselves to choose if they would want to follow "the god's" fate or to follow their own will.

This sort of things, we can't prove it exist or not, we never will. Just like how our solar system is being created, how the universe is being created. Are all of them being created for some purpose? Who created it for that particular purpose? Or does it just happen, because of it simply just happen to do so?

Just like me, I am someone that thinks alot, but I do not allow anyone to know I am. I just want people to know that I am that cliche dude, because this weird thinking of mine, people do not understand, and do not even care. Thats why I'm always being mistaken by others, for who I am not.

So, if you are reading this, I do thank you for spending your precious moments here. But can you just tell me, in your view, does all of us exist due to some meaning & reason? or does it just happen because it just happen?

Should or should we not try?

Should we try to get what we want in life? Somethings I feel that we all should try to our best ability, try to a point where we will never and ever regret it in our life. Sounds positive? Sounds motivated?

I love looking at the stars, I wish that I could reach out and touch the stars, I wish to grab the stars that I look every night into my own hands. But should I try to reach out for it every night? Should I try to grab it every time I look at it?

All of you knows that it is impossible for me to do it, but should I not try it cause its impossible?

People says I am very arrogant, i think its confident. What I believe in, I would not doubt it. What I want will fight for it. Just like reaching out for the stars, I have tried and fail.

The worst thing about failure, is not that you have failed. But the way people do not appreciate your acts, and even think that your act is simply an act of plain selfishness. Even though your act is means good to them.

So should we keep trying to do the impossible? Should we try so hard to do what others thinks that you are not? Should we spent so much time, on things that you know you will never get it?

quote of the day...

There is never a right or wrong. Even if there is, it can be re-proof as long as people can proof that it is otherwise.

the surging memories haunts the emptiness in the teary eyes

Was watching drama series, 偷心大圣P.S.男, and some clips suddenly made my tears rolling in my eyes. Once someone told me that I dare not face my past, that's the reason why I choose not to tell others about my past, my wound.

Its not that I dare not face, I have told myself endless time that I will never and ever had tears again. Even though I had tears rolling in my eyes I will never and ever allow it to flow out of the frame that I have once allowed it to flow out, so cheaply, so freely. It disgust me, that I was once so childish, so helpless, sitting there in a corner, hoping and wishing that she will look at me, talk to me or simply recognized my existence.

I had been bastard in the past, because of all these, and i realized that its just an endless circle. And at the end of the day, I felt ever worst that I had done all such acts simply because I felt the anger and the need of fusrated it on others.

Just to share a bit of my past, She was the brightest student, and she always top in my class, I know that she will definitely be in the top class, and thus I did all I can to simply just be with her, at least in the same class. Even though she doesn't know about this, but I'm just happy that I am in part of her secondary school like. I had once got the top 40 in the whole level before, starting from the back. And it was due to this miracle girl that had stepped into my life that I got the top 40 of my whole level just in a year. And this was what I had posted long ago for my other friend to see. http://wataname.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-sec-sch-life.html

All I want to do is that I am simply happy that I am part of her secondary school life. I am that naive, but never did I expect so much things to happen, and never did I realized that I am so stupid to think that all these are the fault of me, and only me. I've grown, no in a bad way, cause it had been a long journey and a tough one. That's why I stop doing lots of stuff that I really enjoyed, because I've grown up, I've understand what is pain, and what is my action could have simply did the same thing that had happened to me. I do apologized again to all those people, and I do appreciate everyone that had once crossed in my life because I've learn from all of you, to be just me.

happy and wishes you all the best :)!!!

Just chat with past tutor, and she said that is going to be a mummy SOON!! haha really feel so happy for her now. I still could recall last year she kept telling me that she is getting old, and no one wants her. Guess what, she is now married and going to have a baby soon. Really feels that life is really so mystical, so blur, yet exciting.

Its like if I haven't msg her, I would not know that she is pregnant. Suddenly, I felt that our life is all a piece of black tainted paper. Where we have to use all our strength and curiousity to wipe the black tainted paper into a clear white paper for us to see whats the real meaning of life we wants and we are in.

Still feel so weird, last time when my tutor comes to my place, we would like go shopping after my lessons. I still remember once a security in my condo asked, "is she your girlfriend". Haha, and now she is married and a new born baby is on the way. Life is really a dazzle star, never fail to capture your attention amoung the dark blue sky...

i love my home :)

Ladies and gentlemen, today I'm going to introduce my lovely home!! Its called Regent ville! I really love this place, because what provided here can't be found anywhere! And that is a best neighbour!! Never have I thought that, I could like find a neighbour that we had been friends for 8 years, although we rarely see each other, but we will really help out in one another. Really feels so great about such things, hope that things is going the right way :)

tears...

I realized that i am not a strong will person at all. There are so many times in life that i wish to say something out, but i simply cant. I hate this feeling, its like I'm suffocated to death. Its like a person being submerged in the water, trying to tell you his dieing wish, even though he knows that you cant hear him, he still try so hard to shout and scream his lungs out, hoping there is this gleams of light would lighten up the very thoughts in your doubt of darkness.

I dare not tell people how childish and how emotional a person i am. I always enjoy singing, not because that i have a nice voice, but i have such a surpressed emotion that i would want to voice out, to scream out to let everyone know but yet in another way not being so direct in say i am weak and i am so broken up inside out.

Have you ever seen the stars in the sky, its always been shining so brightly on us. But have you ever wonder that the stars that been shining so brightly for us is actually dieing every moment because they are shortening their lifes by shining out the very lights that some of us may even not bother to take a look? I always qustion myself, why do i try so hard, to be doubt by others, to be put down by others. My feelings, my efforts are all nothing to the person that i shower upon, no one cares about us, people only cares about things they want to. Even the stars in our very sky, willing to die just for us to take a look at, but people are all just interested in the money, carrer and dreams that they want.

No one will ever treasure you, unless you are of meaning or value, just like the tears in our eyes, we will never and ever realize that we do have tears untill the day that we really need them to flow out of our eyes, just because we need them to feel better, emotionally...